I Was Burned

By the time I came to Osho, playing music, for me, had become associated with pain, frustration, ambition, helplessness. I was damaged by my years in the music business. Record executives, publishers, managers and agents... everybody pushing and hustling. It’s a desperate business. All for money.

When I look back, I see a young man tired of playing a game he was never about to win....and ready for embrace a new set values. When I took sannyas, the first thing I did was to sell every guitar I owned. That was a great move! I moved into the Commune (Medina), and began my new life. I worked in the cleaning temple and later in the kitchen. I loved the simplicity. And most of all, I loved the Music Groups and Sannyas Celebrations on Saturday nights. These were magic times. I felt my love returning... my love for life, and my love for music. The joyous singing turned me on most.

I'd never experienced anything so powerful or as uplifting. I became hooked on Sufi Dance! I’m still grateful to Aneeta and Anubhava for introducing this meditation to us. It was a revelation to me, to look into the eyes of a stranger and sing the name of God, and have it simultaneously sung back to me. This was simple, honest, real...and ecstatic music!

And as the healing continued, I would pick up a guitar every now and then, strum a few chords and sing whatever came through.

One of the first songs that came through was Like Falling Leaves... another was Enough for Me...another was a joyful rocker called Love is the Fire...they were simple songs, innocent, and very direct. And because of their simplicity... and because they were borne out of the moment, (as opposed to ‘working on a song’ which is what I’d done in the past), they had a different quality. Innocence was intrinsic in the song, so they had the potential to transport the singer straight into the moment, whenever they were sung. They still do. It’s the gift returning to the giver.

One Saturday morning in Medina, Deva Peter (now Ashik) who led the Music Groups back then, came to me and said that he had to go to London that day and if he wasn't back in time, that I should take care of the Music Group that evening. I took a deep breath! I was scared, and excited. Somehow, I knew that he wasn’t coming back. And this was my initiation into playing music for Osho... an honour I cherish to this day.

I was given the opportunity to express the love and gratitude I felt, simply by doing what I loved best: to play music. That night, the band was hot, the chemistry between the musicians was sychronised, and we just sang and danced and danced and sang until we dropped! The whole commune was alive with joy and celebration. It was a magic night that is with me still.

From then on, I was ready to embrace music again. Well, the truth is, music embraced me - thanks to Osho's love and compassion. After this, the songs started to pour out.

Here is the root of my gratitude to Osho, that he had a vision... and most of all, the courage, to create a Buddhafield. A playground in which thousands could move, make mistakes, and learn... and move on... Where every ‘hit’ and every disappointment becomes an opportunity to learn... and all in an atmosphere of love.

All for love. This is a miracle to me. I need a community for transformation. I'll never forget the first time I played for him. It was in Chuang Tzu. The musicians were up front in those days, pretty close. He zapped me that day. I still don't know if it was my imagination... or whether he really did look into my eyes. I remember I was doing fine until he came out and started dancing. As he moved closer and closer towards the musicians, my heart started to burst open and I’m laughing and crying and trying to sing and play the guitar all at the same time.

When he looked into me, I just exploded. My left hand froze tight on the strings of my guitar... it just ceased to function, and my right hand was thrashing at my guitar at 100mph! I was aware of the music, I was aware of everyone going crazy all around me... but essentially, all I knew were his eyes and the roaring silence. When I came back, the music had stopped and Osho was already speaking! Fortunately my right hand must've stopped at the same time as the music, because I wasn't fired from playing! After that Darshan, I knew the healing was complete.

Playing for Osho when he was in his body is very different to playing for him now. I felt like a child back then... I was learning so much It was my apprenticeship. Not only through the groups I was doing and the people I was meeting, but also, through the music I was playing.

• I was learning to trust myself...and pradoxically,
• I was also learning to surrender to the Divine.
• I was learning not to judge myself and my creativity.
• I was learning how to lead a band without feeling like a 'leader'.
• I was learning how to breathe and play music (and make love!) at the same time!
• I was learning about sensitivity.

I guess these are gifts bestowed on each of us by the Master... singing in gratitude is no different to cooking in gratitude, or re-balancing in gratitude. The gratitude has to express itself. "We all have our ways to kneel and kiss the ground", as Rumi says. These days, playing music for Osho, I feel like a warrior. A love warrior maybe, but a warrior all the same!

I feel strong. I have the tools and I have the experience. And I can share Osho without effort. I’ve learnt to relax.... Thanks to all those nights in Buddha Hall, and all those Music Groups and Sannyas Celebrations, singing our hearts out.

Deva and I, we just sing it! When Osho says he has dissolved into his people, this is what I see. That whenever, and whatever we share through our creativity, there he is. It’s Osho coming through. I’ve often heard him say that the chair is empty.... And it seems to me, that what was coming through him, is the same divinity that expresses itself now, through our love and creativity. It’s the same force. And my responsibility is to share it through music. When I look around, it seems to me that the world is finally catching up with Osho.

His name is not so present as it once was, but his influence is everywhere. From raves to the satsang givers, from corporate business men learning how to hug... to all the New Age therapy. You can trace it all back to Osho’s vision. Many people who come to our concerts, are unaware that Deva and I are sannyasins. Many don't even know Osho. But once they fall into our space (which happens as soon as Premal sings!), they become very touched and over-flowing in gratitude. They call it Love, we call it ‘Osho’. It feels like many are thirsty now, to integrate joy, celebration, and meditation, into their lives... and well, this to me is perfect. Because a crowd of people singing together as one, is a crowd of people breathing together as one... and when that happens, synchronicity happens. And when a room full of people are in synchonicity, Osho happens!

For me, Love is just another name for Osho. Who he was as a person, and who he is as a spiritual entity, constantly ever-present, ever true, in our lives. When we look, he’s there!

A song just came to me as I write this, I never sang it so much, but, it seems appropriate to share it here.